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This is a space for musings and insights inspired by my practice and designed to help Mums on their own healing journey.

 

 

I'm 100% committed to my own growth and would love to help with yours, too.

 

By Sonya Whaley, Jan 17 2016 08:00AM

New Year, New Direction



It's time to take a leap.


When we grow, it is generally not linear - we grow through leaps. As young adults, we leave home and set out into the world on our own probably before we are really ready for it and, yet, look how we grow when we do.


We move to a new town, or even to a new country. Rarely is everything set up in place in advance. It's that old chicken and egg conundrum of you need a job to get a house, you need a house to have a job. Yet, people do move cities, even countries, all the time. You make a leap of faith and somehow it works out.



From now on


From now on, I will be focusing my practice on work-related stress and helping people who have been thrown into crisis in their jobs navigate to a better place and head space.


It's territory I am familiar with as it features significantly in my own story and I feel moved to help others in similar situations get back on track and beyond.


Even for those who find themselves completely undone by an experience at work, it is possible to function well again and to come out of it feeling even better than when it all started. I will be helping people on that journey.


We can all leverage the momentum the turn of a new year brings. Is it the right time for you to identify a new direction in a major area of your life?


Is it time to make a leap of your own?

By Sonya Whaley, Dec 30 2015 09:08AM


This is my final post of the year, which I am writing on the train home to North London from my hometown, Durham.


It's lovely to check in with the folks at this time of year, as the Christmas hubbub dominates and we happily lose track of which day of the week it is.


Everyone slows right down and, rightfully, an amble across parkland is considered the event of the day.




Bookends


This also frees up some time for thinking and, as we approach the bookends of both years, we naturally find ourselves reflecting on the year that is closing and setting intentions for the new one ahead.


As part of this, I like to choose a word for the year. In 2015, I chose 'Peace', which worked well. I closed down on my working hours, expanded on family time and spent more time outdoors than in any year since my last Summer-long camp-out in Devon in 1998. All of which, alongside continued work tapping out my triggers, helped to increase the peace.




Nurture


For 2016 I have chosen 'Nurture'. My intention is to nurture my home life, nurture my loved ones, nurture myself, nurture my clients and nurture my business. This takes on special significance, as we prepare to welcome new life into our home, with a baby due in early Feb. It will be a year of giving, caring and supporting.




What aspects of yourself and your own life are you planning to nurture this coming year?


What word encapsulates your own intention for the New Year? How will you ensure you achieve this?

By Sonya Whaley, Dec 13 2015 10:48AM


We can hold a problem for a long time before we are ready to give it up. I mean, a really long time. Sometimes problems are taken to the grave and never given up - particularly for the average joe or jane down the pub who might never seek any form of therapy.


This makes sense to some degree because that problem behaviour - usually a reaction to someone else's behaviour - is there for a reason. On some level it is there to protect us and so giving it up is very hard to do.


So what causes us to make that decision to give it up? It's when we reach threshold.



Three parts


It helps to know, threshold is made up of three parts:


Something has to change

It has to be me

It has to be now.


From time to time, a client will tell me about their nephew or sister, someone they feel is stuck and really needs help. We all know that can be very painful to watch.


Hard as it is to take, I have to tell them that the healing process can only really begin when the person themself reaches out and seeks help. For the therapy to work, the client themself must believe those three things. That's why, thankfully, the lowest point is often the turning point.



Something had to change


When I think back to my own turning point, I reached threshold because things had become so bad that every wall of my life was caving in. My situation at work in the day had become so unbearable that I was going home at night and shouting at my family because I was so stressed, so my significant relationship was starting to crack.


With neither work nor home a refuge, I was now really struggling and retreated into myself - which, of course, was the worst place to be as no one had a harsher whip for me at that point than myself.


And so it came to be - something had to change, it had to be then, because I couldn't take anymore, and it had to be me. No one else could have got me there.


If you know someone now who is in a dark place and it is hurting you to see them like this, this is written for you, to help you let go. To encourage you to to do your own work and work on your feelings of helplessness in the role you play in their lives, because you cannot bring them to threshold. It is a state within them and only they themselves can do that. In the meantime, love them and let it go the best you can.

By Sonya Whaley, Nov 22 2015 09:14AM

I hibernate through Winter

Go seaward in Summer

Am lost, else-times.

Find solace in sleep

Meaning through learning

Asphyxiated in 9 to 5.




This is a poem I wrote in 1999, which captures perfectly the essence of my 22 year old self.


I've made my peace now with Winter but feel more than ever that there is more to life than the 9 to 5. Time is our most precious resource and there is so much living and good to be done!


1999 was the last year I made my annual summer-long pilgrimage to North Devon, but my heart still hankers after sea.






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